Does anyone really ever read this stuff?
Do they make comments?...offer advice?...teach spelling?
I entered relationships cause i guess thats what this is all about....things i have given up for the women i love,and for God also. Now don't get me wrong...i love the Lord, Jesus is my salvation. However, i don't preach to anyone or go around thinking i know more then others...or try to make anyone see think or act like me. Its been a long twisted road, as many of you..if anyone reads this..have expereanced yourself..
From a nice middle-american 5 child,one dog family, to were i am now...this blog could take years. But to start where i am and work back is probably best for now.
I just moved back in with my wife after a 2 month seperation. My fault for sure. I was backsliding into the drunken drug using liar that i was for many years befor becoming a christian. That is not acceptable for her...and shouldn't be for me either. But..I am, and always have been a Drummer. And a very good one. Started when i was five and been doing it ever sense. Now, its hard to play music now days without beib=ng in some rather questionable clubs, etc. And thats where the problem lies. Music...as a life style is tough...but for me..My music came from way deep inside of me...a place where nothing else has ever been..it had a life of it's own. I didn't think about playing...it just came...and it's the only thing i have ever done that my whole heart soul and body goes into...some thing so primative about it i can't explain it. But i had to give it up...if i wanted my wife back...Yes I love her...but this hard. But what was my other motivation....?
Self...Ego...the atta boys...pats on the back...compliments....applause.....those thing were really the driving force...I wanted people to hear me soal pouring out of me along with those buckets of sweat. And i miss it...the attention...WHY?
....thats all for now...how will i ever know if anyone really give a rats patoot about this or not?